A Story To Tell

In person, Gordon is hyper-considerate, with an eager, luminous smile. He wears preppie blazers and greets others with a firm handshake and plenty of eye contact. He knows he has a story to sell, and he sells it with unflagging energy. He just self-published his first book, a motivational tract called "You Won't Make It." He's trying to land a spot on "Oprah." He's auditioning for host of a new show on BET. He tried out for the role of P. Diddy in the Notorious B.I.G.'s biopic, and he's waiting to hear back. He still needs people to notice him. And some have. Baraka Sele, assistant vice president of programming at the New Jersey Performing Arts Center, was so impressed with Gordon's drive and willingness to help, she hired him as an artists' assistant, catering to NJPAC performers. He was there several months when another employee told her about his life. "I said, 'Oh, we're adopting him,'" says Sele. "This is a person who you want to embrace, who you want to encourage in any way you can." At NJPAC, Rahfeal responds to temperamental artists and pre-show glitches with patience and humility, says Sele. "After what he's been through, he has a calmness." "He never wanted any enemies," says Jones. "He had enough enemies at home. He wanted to be nice to everyone."  'I have to live my life' His brother Alfonso assumed a different role in the family. He was the "muscle," says Gordon. "If you had a problem, you'd go to him," says Gordon. "If you couldn't voice your opinion, he'd do it for you. He had a soft heart, but he was tough." While Gordon avoided trouble -- working at Burger King and wearing hand-me-downs -- Alfonso sought it out. He stole cars and became an aspiring kingpin. In the Essex County Juvenile Detention Center, where he landed at 15 on charges of cocaine possession, he was one of the strongest and most intelligent kids -- a top dog who enforced his rule by brutally attacking others, detention staff told Star-Ledger reporter Jonathan Schuppe in a 2005 interview. But, like his older brother, he also had a talent for motivational speaking. In a program similar to "Scared Straight," he warned at-risk kids about the dangers of jail and the criminal life. After his release in the fall of 2004, Alfonso talked about turning his life around, but he couldn't do it. One night, toward the end of Alfonso's life in May 2005, Gordon asked, "Why do you go down to the corner?" "It's the only thing I know," Alfonso replied. "I'm glad it's different for you," he told Gordon. "You're going to be big someday -- as long as you tell the truth. Who do you know that represents the homeless, the kids like us? As long as you tell our story, you're going to make it." He was murdered a few weeks later in a drive-by shooting. Gordon was left to plan and pay for the funeral. His parents, still suffering addictions, showed up but fell asleep during the eulogy. At the sentencing of Alfonso's murderer, Gordon told the man he forgave him. He even told him he loved him. "I said there had to be closure or else I can't more forward. I told him, 'You made me stronger. You made it so I had to go beyond where I was.'" Gordon's deepest fear is that Isaiah will die, too. With a mixture of dread and anticipation, he and Janvier wait for the day their brother completes his two-year sentence. "Isaiah is the baby and, right now, I'm glad I know where he's at every day," he says. "It's a burden on my shoulders if he's out. I'm scared of that phone call. I got that phone call with Alfonso. He got shot right after he got out of prison. But I can't always hold the complete burden on my shoulders. "I have to live my life." If Gordon fails, he'll feel like he's failing everyone -- from the downtrodden kids he hopes to inspire to the memory of Alfonso. Lately, when he feels discouraged, he repeats a line from Lupe Fiasco's song "Superstar." If you are who you say you are a superstar, then have no fear. The time is near. Sele believes that's true. "He'll be successful at whatever he does, and soon because he has such amazing determination," she says. Janvier compares his brother to Bill Gates. For someone with Gordon's past, simply to resist becoming bitter and defeated is akin to becoming a mogul, he says. "To go from being this low to this high and not only holding his own head up, but keeping the head up of everyone around him. To not create more pain and anger in the world, if you're talking about a man, that's a man," he says, his voice breaking. "Rahfeal is a man." Additional insight: Last book read: "Good to Great," by Jim Collins Favorite rapper: Jay-Z Most prized possession: First paycheck, $123 from Burger King Biggest fear: God Published Feb. 3, 2008